Strawberries and Onions
by Rose Tyler
Summary: Mike Newton doesn't understand why Edward Cullen thinks the new girl, Bella, smells so bad.


**A/N:** A random idea I had today, and I couldn't resist writing. Please review if you enjoy it! My last humor story, _The True Meaning of Imprinting_, only got one review despite the hundreds of readers. So I feel like maybe I'm just not funny enough to write humor stories. :/

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"It's a great movie, you should check it out," I told Bella, trying to impress her.

She nodded, smiling disbelievingly. "Will do."

So I hadn't actually seen _Atonement_. It looked like some boring historical chick flick love story, honestly. But this new girl seemed smart, so I figured she would enjoy it. And she was definitely pretty. So I can tell a little white lie if it helps get her attention, right? No harm there.

"You must be Miss Swan," our Biology professor said.

"Yes," she nodded, a woman of few words. I didn't mind, though; I thought how little she spoke was sort of charming, after how Jessica and other girls in our grade tended to blabber on and on for endless hours.

"Why don't you go have a seat next to Mr. Cullen," he told her, handing her a textbook.

Cullen? That pale freak? He never spoke to anyone; he and his family were weird. Especially him; he always looked like he was in pain. The little one who was always making strange faces like she were trying to be Raven from _That's So Raven_ and the blonde one with the weird hair who always looked constipated were strange, too. They were all tied in my mind. The blonde chick, though, she was definitely hot.

I typically noticed Cullen staring at me, as if he somehow knew I was thinking about his hot sister whenever I thought about his hot sister. I have no idea how that would be possible, but I swear… As I look at him right now, however, he has eyes only for Bella. And he looks pissed that she has to sit next to him, not with excitement due to the fact that she's a total babe and she's actually sitting right next to him.

Pissed? That he gets to sit next to _her_? He's lucky. If I wasn't already partnered with Eric, I would be diving for that open seat next to her. Yet he stared at her like she was Snookie or something. Like she was gross. He was definitely a freak.

As class progressed, I was surprised to see him actually covering his nose! As if she smelled badly! I hadn't noticed a bad smell coming off from her. I actually thought she smelled quite nice. Like strawberries and soap. Not doused in a bucket of stinky designer perfume like a lot of girls our age.

Bella looked uncomfortable throughout the entire period. I would be too, with that weirdo staring at me like that. I could feel the tension from where I sat ten feet away. What was with him?

Finally, after what felt like hours, the bell rang. Cullen jumped up at an inhumane speed and bolted from the room, looking as if her odor was repulsive enough to make him puke. Bella slowly closed her notebook, looking after him with an expression of confusion and offense. I quickly moved to stand beside her, picking up her backpack for her and helping her slip her books inside.

"So… that was fun, huh?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Oh… yeah. It was… great," she said, catching her foot on the stool and tripping. I stopped her fall by grabbed her arm.

"Thanks," she said, smiling at me.

"Walk much?" I teased. She looked at me in a surprised expression, clearly not realizing that I was joking. "Err… just kidding. Come on, let's get to math class," I said, quickly changing the subject.

As we walked from the room, I followed closely behind, trying to determine what Cullen had been covering his nose for. I sniffed and sniffed, trying to figure it out. All I got, as before, was the scent of strawberries and soap.

"Mike… what are you doing?" she asked, turning around and catching me mid-sniff. My nose was just a mere few inches from hers.

"Uh…" I scratched my head, trying to think of a reasonable explanation. "I… just… I… uh… sorry," I apologized, unable to come up with an explanation that made any sense as to why I was visibly smelling her.

She stared at me with a strange expression for a moment. "Well, I… um… gonna… get to class… bye." She turned and stumbled away towards math. Great; now she thinks I'm an even bigger freak than Cullen.

"I'm going to have an even harder time getting a date with her now," I said to myself in a tone of disappointment.

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